Weigh in!

Kaia's official weight at one month: 9 lbs 3 oz. She's 50th percentile for weight (i.e., right in the middle) and 75th for height. Doctor says she looks great.

Month One

One of the interesting things about both pregnancy and babies is that people count both in months and weeks, and the two don't synch up perfectly. Kaia turned one month old on Friday, three days after she turned 4 weeks old, and four days before she will be 5 weeks old. My mother jokingly asked if we would have ice cream and cake. We actually just had dinner delivered from Main Course, which did include dessert of brownies and cookies.

The month has gone faster AND slower than I expected. There have been several relatively sleepless nights (including last night, when Kaia decided that she didn't want to go back to sleep after her 2:30 am feeding), a couple of inexplicable crying jags (although not very many) and lots of naps on laps, in arms, and in the Moses basket. For the first week that Kaia was home we slept in the family room on the futon, reasoning that at least there was a TV, video games and computer there for entertainment when we weren't able to sleep, and that when she did fall asleep during the day I could easily lie down and take a nap right next to her without setting up baby monitors, etc. Worked well for a little while, although because of the heat we closed the door and turned on the AC most of the time, and as a result I felt after a while that I was locked into that room. After a bit I decided I needed to reinhabit the rest of the house and moved us back upstairs to sleep.

Kaia seemed to make the transition to the co-sleeper pretty well, and most nights (last night being a notable exception) it's been pretty easy to feed her and get her back to sleep, so that Mommy can get back to sleep as well. Having her in the room with us has advantages and disadvantages - the big negative is that I hear every peep she makes, which tends to keep me awake. The advantage, of course, is that I don't have to get up and walk to the other room to check on her.

She continues to be wide eyed and very alert when she's awake, and seems to be getting more interested in voices and faces as time goes by. For the first time this morning I noticed that she stopped making little bird noises when I talked, and then would start again when I stopped. She's not yet grabbing at toys but kicks and waves her legs and arms around all the time, and is stronger than you'd expect for such a wee thing.

I continue to wonder/worry about whether I am making enough milk for her. Her first weigh in will be tomorrow so we'll see if she's been gaining enough weight or not. Half of me thinks that it would be easier to supplement with formula, but of course half the books on breastfeeding make formula feel like one step away from child abuse. We'll just wait and see!

Happy one month birthday, little one! We love you!

Today's cuteness overload picture

Cutest. Kid. Evar.

Anyway, I think this cuteness is nature's way of preserving little babies, since when they decide they are going to go on a crying jag it is nearly intolerable to parents.

On Saturday of this past weekend, Kaia had her first complete meltdown, which of course occurred while I was home alone with her. I had taken her to the Hudson Valley River Festival where Jason was working, during the early afternoon. Nina, Mike and Jaden came along as well, and all the Bardavon staff oohed and ahed over babygirl. We didn't stay long, as it was pretty loud behind the stage and after about an hour Kaia started to cry - and having just been fed, I figured she'd had enough excitement and would just be better off heading home. She quieted down in the car on the way home, but once I got her inside, she started crying inconsolably. Changed the diaper, fed her (again, and too soon), and then started trying all the standards - walking around, car seat, bath, nap time, etc. Nothing would get her to stop. Three hours later I called the pediatrician, and he called back fairly quickly, with reassurance but not really any great advice. Knowing that it was relatively common for babies to cry for no discernable reason was nice but not really helpful. Finally, at about 8 (four hours after starting to cry) she stopped as abruptly as she started, and fell asleep for 5 hours.

I had called Jason in tears at least twice during the 4 hours, and although he was trying to be understanding he got frustrated with me for getting upset myself. So last night, when she decided to get "fussy" again, but this time on Dad's watch, he got to experience the frustration in person. It's definitely very difficult to deal with alone, easier if there are two of you and you can trade off, for sure. I now know why they made us watch that "don't shake the baby" video during the childbirth classes.

I understand that some kids go through the first three months of their lives fussy NONSTOP (Colic). Would drive me absolutely INSANE.

Positive vibes

Last night was pretty awful. Kaia wouldn't sleep at all, and pretty much wanted to go from one feeding to the next. I was exhausted, and by about 4:30 am was at the end of my rope. I wound up making a list of all the things that were running through my head - all the bad things I was afraid would happen (or never happen again). I subsequently tore that list up (and burned it, just for good measure) and I won't post any of those negative thoughts here. Jason pointed out this morning that making a list of bad things that could happen could be kind of self-fulfilling, so in order to counteract any bad karma I may have inadvertantly tempted, I made a corresponding list of things I am looking forward to or hopeful for. So I do want to publish that.

1. Having a child and watching her grow and change will be the most joyous and wondrous experience of my life


2. I'll forget the difficult days and moments, and I'll only remember things like her tiny little "ooh" face, her baby blues watching me while she eats, and all the funny noises she makes


3. I'll be able to make the time I need for my own reflection and renewal, and to maintain my sense of physical and mental balance


4. I will find the patience to be a kind and loving mother to her, both when she's sweet and happy AND when she's fussy or upset


5. Jason and I will find our relationship with each other strengthened and deepened by her presence in our lives

'Cause I'm good enough, and smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. :-)

Kaia joins the family

It's been quite a while since I posted to this blog, but I thought that with the latest addition to our family, I have just the excuse I need to start blogging on some sort of regular basis. Thanks to Dooce.com, I got the idea to create a monthly newsletter to Kaia about what's happened in the month before, which, if I keep it up diligently, perhaps she'll be able to read someday and enjoy.

This first post comes a little late for "Month 0," but it's been pretty busy.

On August 19th, 2007, Jason and I headed to the Northern Dutches Hospital's birthing center so that I could be induced. My official due date, August 9th, had passed uneventfully 10 days earlier, and my doctor's felt it was time to induce. We spent Sunday night in the hospital just in case the Cervadil they gave me caused me to go into labor on my own (no such luck).

On Monday morning, they started a pitocin drip to get the contractions moving. It was quite a while before anything substantial happened (although the contractions started right away, I didn't dilate very quickly). It wasn't until about 5 in the afternoon that I hit 5 centimeters (when they finally could give me an epidural!). My parents, as well as Nick and Kay, were all in attendance all day long, waiting for babygirl (who was still nameless at the time) to arrive.

By around 11pm, I finally was fully dilated and could start pushing. With Margie, a nurse (Lisa), and Jason there helping, I pushed for close to two and a alf hours. Although we got very close (they could tell she had dark hair), by 1:30am on the 21st there was still no baby, and after consulting with Helen, Margie felt we needed to get her out via c-section. Within 20 mintues, a full surgical team was on hand, and at 2:09 am babygirl was born!

This picture is of her at about 12 hours old. At any rate, we finally settled on the name Kaia Quinn Adams (two days before we left the hospital), and we are both now desperately in love with her. She's very sweet and doesn't cry much (at least so far - but I don't want to jinx anything). More to come soon!