Positive vibes

Last night was pretty awful. Kaia wouldn't sleep at all, and pretty much wanted to go from one feeding to the next. I was exhausted, and by about 4:30 am was at the end of my rope. I wound up making a list of all the things that were running through my head - all the bad things I was afraid would happen (or never happen again). I subsequently tore that list up (and burned it, just for good measure) and I won't post any of those negative thoughts here. Jason pointed out this morning that making a list of bad things that could happen could be kind of self-fulfilling, so in order to counteract any bad karma I may have inadvertantly tempted, I made a corresponding list of things I am looking forward to or hopeful for. So I do want to publish that.

1. Having a child and watching her grow and change will be the most joyous and wondrous experience of my life


2. I'll forget the difficult days and moments, and I'll only remember things like her tiny little "ooh" face, her baby blues watching me while she eats, and all the funny noises she makes


3. I'll be able to make the time I need for my own reflection and renewal, and to maintain my sense of physical and mental balance


4. I will find the patience to be a kind and loving mother to her, both when she's sweet and happy AND when she's fussy or upset


5. Jason and I will find our relationship with each other strengthened and deepened by her presence in our lives

'Cause I'm good enough, and smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. :-)